


skyscrapers and stargazers in my head

by buckytheplumsoldier



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Drabble, Fluff, Insomnia, Light Angst, M/M, WinterFalcon - Freeform, just two boys tryna get through life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 08:18:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19058815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckytheplumsoldier/pseuds/buckytheplumsoldier
Summary: Sleeping seems impossible when your mind decides otherwise.





	skyscrapers and stargazers in my head

**Author's Note:**

> title from "are we the waiting" by green day
> 
> apologies for any missed typos :)

With a weight on his chest, Sam breathes a sigh of relief, gazing up at the ceiling that was darkened no more than an hour before. 

He feels soft like clay, an easy sensation surging through him like the slow rolling of waves. It may just be the after effects of whatever happened to him (his mind is in such a daze, he can't seem to recall specifics), but he chooses to shrug it off. Whatever it is, it'll be gone by morning.

He inhales deeply through his nose, exhales with a tug in his chest, just like his therapist taught him to do during the nights when sleep seemed distant and unreachable. That's what it seemed like, at least; a shadowy figure standing in the corner of the room, its mere presence a taunt, a memory of what had once been. He keeps doing this for however long, the imprint of a gaunt silhouette etched into his conscious. 

Bucky stirs, wispy hairs loose from a makeshift bun brushing against the warm skin on Sam's chest. The movement isn't enough to wake him, but Sam wishes it did. He'd much rather at least have someone else in the darkness with him, biding their time until warm light crept through the thin fibers of the curtains. He knows, though, that if Bucky's lasted this long without waking up it's a sign of progress. Sam's proud. At least something good can come out of restlessness and trauma-induced insomnia.

Sam closes his eyes, runs his hands over Bucky's arm, laces their fingers together. Yeah, it's awkward on the shoulder, but Sam can deal with that in the morning. He can deal with everything else in the morning. That's what mornings are for, aren't they? Jogs, coffee, and forgetting about everything that had to be done the day before. 

Instead of thinking about the next day and the day after that and ending up in a vicious cycle of expectations and nonsense, Sam chooses to focus on Bucky, because that's what he always resorts to isn't it? He runs his thumb over Bucky's knuckles, listening to the never-ending sound of circles being drawn on rough skin. It's therapeutic, and Sam's fine with that. It's free and better than nothing. 

The soothing drawl of soft snoring and the occasional breeze rustling the branches of overgrown trees is almost enough to put Sam to sleep. Almost.

Sam tenses up, hearing what could have very well been a branch tapping on the window, but it's something else. It has to be. He wants to get up and push the curtains aside, check for himself to see if his demons have caught up with him yet, but this is fucking _progress _. He's gone this long without checking a window and Bucky's gone this long without opening his eyes. He can't ruin that.__

__So, against his better judgement, he stays put, listening to whatever's outside taunting him and his reluctance to wake Bucky up._ _

__He moves his hand to Bucky's forehead, pressing the back of his hand to the warm skin. He's not dumb; he _knows _there's no fever, he knows Bucky can't _get _a fever, but it doesn't hurt to try. It doesn't hurt to hold on to the hope that they're just two normal people who just happen to have insomnia, or something of that sort._____ _

______Sam brushes back the strands of hair hiding miniscule parts of Bucky's face, wanting the world to see the whole of Bucky Barnes as he's bathed in the moonlight, even if Sam can't at this angle. He wants them to see every curve, every sharp turn, every brush of dark stubble, every bit of skin that's warm and flushed; Sam loves it. He loves every bit of it, he reminds himself as he traces Bucky with light fingertips._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Sam?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Damn it._ _ _ _ _ _

______Bucky lifts his head, slow and sloth-like, a picture of sleep still readable across his face. Even in the silvery glow of light, Sam can see the deep wrinkles under piercing blue eyes, and he sighs in defeat, knowing it was too good to last._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam brings his hand to cup Bucky's face, the sharp prick of three-day-old stubble brushing against his palm. "And I thought we were breakin' a record," Sam mumbles, too entranced to speak clearly._ _ _ _ _ _

______Bucky smiles, that soft smile where the corner of his mouth lifts up; not too smug, not too endearing. "Record, my ass."_ _ _ _ _ _

______And now it's Sam's turn to smile, because goddamn it, he can't help it. "Can't sleep?" He asks, even though he knows the answer. He just wants small talk to keep away the sounds from the outside world._ _ _ _ _ _

______Bucky shakes his head. "Sex just isn't good enough, I guess." It's smug. Sam likes smug._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam drops his hand. "You asshole. If that ain't the biggest lie I've ever heard." He chuckles. He knows it's a lie._ _ _ _ _ _

______Looking down, Bucky's smile falters, and he finds Sam's hand in the darkness, holding it tight. He's holding Sam's heart. "I love you. Bad sex and all."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam's quiet. He listens to Bucky, his soft breathing and all the words he knows Bucky wishes he could say without the cloud of sleep drowning everything out. He listens as Bucky lays back down, head heavy yet comforting. He's laying on Sam's heart and Sam knows he can hear every beat speed up by just a fraction of a second. He listens to Bucky hum in contentment, the sound reverberating its way into Sam's soul._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Buck?" He calls, and he almost expects it to go unanswered in a vacuum._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Hmm?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam almost breathes a sigh of relief. "Let's break a record this time, alright?" He brings his hand and rests it on Bucky's shoulder, feeling the cool, ridged surface of metal under his palm._ _ _ _ _ _

______He knows they won't break a record. He knows they'll be back to square one in another hour or so. Yet when he feels Bucky nod against his chest, he can't help but believe that they'll make it._ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
